The Journey to the Christmas Star

The three wise men needed what they found in the journey to the Christmas Star.  By faith in the unseen, they travelled and faced some daunting challenges.  Even when confronted with those challenges and other people’s doubts they pushed on to something unseen, but hoped for.  They believed and they went.  My faith waivers and is nowhere near the holy men and women of the Bible, but as I stumble towards the Christmas Star, I believe and more than that, I hope.

 

Christmas is the hardest time for me—even more than April.  It gouges my heart and makes me ache with desire of what was once, what is gone, and what I dreamt for.  It was Phil’s favorite holiday because he didn’t grow up surrounded by his family, with big Christmas celebrations, or with the faith of the season.  He grew up lonely and wanting.  As an adult with five children, he grew to love the magic of Christmas and he celebrated the hope of his faith.  When he was tasked to deploy, the date of his projected return was 24 Dec.  Christmas Eve.

 

I imagined the airport reunion.  We had never had one because Phil always thought that we had too many children to drag to the airport to greet him on previous deployments.  This deployment was the longest deployment and the children were grown.  I had started to prepare for a magical homecoming—one that never happened.  In the devastation that followed Phil’s death, I lost every bit of Christmas joy.  Yet, in 2016, I have traveled so far in the choice to seek to thrive versus just surviving.  In that choice to take chances, believe, and to hope, I am finding my Christmas Star.

 

I have started the journey of trusting and believing in a full life again.  I truly believe that amazing is unfolding.  Even when darkness surrounds me, I feel the sparks of what I cannot see.  The journey started with stumbling through the inky cover of night.  I began to take some chances and to trust myself again.  All of my choices has led to me being right here in a state I never once saw myself in, but it is here that the magic is unfolding.  My faith is growing.  I sense what lies ahead.

 

Perhaps like the wise men, the journey started something bigger.  They came bearing gifts and they came with hope.  They started the journey with the belief that they were being called for something bigger than themselves. From the start, I have known that the fire that consumes me has come from something beyond me.  My voice, my purpose, my life all came from the simple choice to fall into my faith in my darkest hour.  The journey is not over, but it is underway and I continue to press on.

 

Christmas joy is starting to come back and I am pushing through the darkness.  It is a journey and while I may struggle, I press on to that Christmas Star because that Christmas Star ignites the hope of my faith.  Without that starry night, the birth of one Christ Child, there would be no reason to have faith in anything beyond what the eye can see.  Like the three wise men, I walk to the light in the darkness because I know, I know there is more.

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