I’m Coming Home, I’m Coming Home…Finding my True North

 

True North is a concept of a home base where a person is grounded and fits. True North is a place that lives in the soul where a person comes and fills a space that nobody else can fill and in that space, the person grows into the fabric. As an adult, home for me was a person versus a place because the military moved us about every three years. I never got too attached to a living area, a job, a church, a community, or even people because I knew that my roots and my fabric were with my Phil. When he was killed, I drifted. I wandered lost and afraid. Every time life got hard, I ran away to somewhere new. In the last five years, I have changed because there were no other choices.

It hasn’t been easy because I was scared of everything. I was afraid of getting it wrong. The military gave me one year to figure out where I wanted to live (and while that is wavetable, spouses would never know to ask). I ran to Germany to escape the prying eyes and the gossip. I fled Germany to get away from a principal who hated all of the military people coming to me. I felt like running away from MA, but I didn’t. I turned down job opportunities that were good opportunities even as I knew I should leave. I waited. This year, my year of learning to thrive versus survive, I knew, I really knew that I was going to be moving. Three jobs opened: CO, WA, and MO. I applied for MO only because it made sense to at least try because of a relationship I was in.

I didn’t expect what came next. MO, the last place I ever thought I wanted to live fit. My nerves quieted and it all felt right even as the relationship imploded. It would have been easier to run to CO or WA, but I recognized something. Even when I was in my darkest place, MO was calling me. My true North. Everything started to fall into place: the job, having family there, and a beautiful house on a lake. I sense more coming. I sense the Chapter Two and the community. I sense the peace in that space. My soul echoes what the heart wants.

MO? I know CO and CO knows me. I love my mountain and I have so many family memories there. I have so many memories with Phil and Phil’s life is etched all over the city in school gyms, football field, USAFA, etc. In CO, I am part of a unit. While I will not say that I will never live there, I can’t see it in the next few years. WA? That was where we wanted to retire. MO is for me. MO is for me to find my home base and to find home in a building, community, and job.

I have never lived in MO or even been to where I am going, but on blind faith and obedience I travel to what I cannot see, but only feel. I feel a new day coming and I sense that like Job, blessings are abounding. I get that community takes time. I am patient and I am excited to see what comes next. I’m coming home. I’m coming home.

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