I Have a Special Village–They Call Me Mom

When my life imploded five years ago, my children’s lives imploded at the same time.  The sudden traumatic loss of the man I loved and the man they all called dad rendered all of us unable to stand together.  It wasn’t as if we consciously thought about it, but all of us were hurting—terribly hurting.  Simply, I could not fix the hurts in my children because I could not fix them in myself. In one split second, I went from being the mother who could fix all of the boo boos to being the mom who needed her children to take care of her during those first two weeks.   They couldn’t come to me or one another because we all loved each other enough not to want to cause anyone else more pain.  As we began to come through the intensity of the loss, the realization came that we were no longer the family that we once were.  Once the Ambard/Short clan stood stronger together against the world that thought we had too many children and that having so many children was a mark of irresponsibility.  It wasn’t until recently that I recognize the healing and knitting together of my clan.  It came in the most unexpected manner.

 

The healing began when I began to date someone.  I had become too immersed in my running, school, volunteer work, and I had grown comfortable being alone.  I just couldn’t see that I had room for another person and I became quite good at throwing up the walls and shutting down.  I lost all interest and besides, I didn’t really feel like I was a woman that would be seen as anyone other than as her story or as broken.  While my children made jokes and they encouraged me, it wasn’t until I decided to take a leap of faith with someone who had become a friend that my village united.   I had a thousand reasons about why not him and why not me, but my children became the nudgers and the encouragers never realizing that at some point they would be giving me relationship advice.  They have become the tutors and the voices of reason.  I am no longer just mom, I am the service project.

 

While I may not always want to hear what they have to say, I recognize that the words come from the heart and out of love and respect for me.  One of my children has been a stronger voice of reason.  It has made me react in ways that I am not always proud of, but here is the thing.  He thinks I am a good woman.  A woman worth everything.  How can I say no to that?  While I may not follow his advice, I respect that he is able to tell me how he feels, his beliefs, and the fact that he is willing to give this man a chance.  Others have talked me off of the ledges of shutting down.  Just recently, I fell into a funk.  I can think of a zillion reasons why not, but ultimately it comes down to why not give it a chance.  As my sons and my daughter called to talk me off of the stupidity ledge, their advice was sensible and true.  It was tonight that I realized just how much my children have rallied around me and how much smarter they are than I am.  When did the parent become the one who is being taken care of?  When did the parent become the weaker one?

 

I respect my children so much.  They stand  solid and strong.  While all of them are smart, it is more than that.  They all can see me as someone valuable, someone  to be protected, someone to be loved.  They all want me happy.  While they are encouraging, they also ask me questions and make me have critical conversations that I do not always want to have.  My village has my back and as such, they also have good suggestions for helping me forge ahead with connecting outside of my circle.  These suggestions were directly from the play book they were raised with, but I am out of practice considering.  This village of mine has become my strength and my backbone.  From the ashes has come a fire tested and forged unity that I know will believe in me and love me no matter what happens because I am just mom.

Comments

  1. Penny DeFraties says:

    What a beautiful promise manifested! Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

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