A Leap of Faith

A leap year occurs every four years. It is easy to overlook a day that seems almost forgotten, but that day is critical to maintaining time accurately. That day is an extra day every four years–it is the gift of time. Leaping requires faith. Even in the smallest leap, there is faith that the legs will land and that the ground is how it appears. That faith and confidence carries the jumper even when they do not know what lies ahead. Moving forward and learning to live again after a traumatic loss requires leaping and believing even when what one is leaping to seems improbable or impossible.

I am taking a leap of faith that I never thought I would embrace, be excited for, or even entertain. People have become accustomed to me uttering words like never, ever, or when hell freezes over. I had walls built around my fortress because I couldn’t imagine letting anyone in. I hid behind by school books, running, work, and the fire that blazes for my military brothers and sisters and their families. I just couldn’t see beyond surviving. While I did look forward to family times and times with my girlfriends, something was missing . I just didn’t want to think about it. It was easier being that girl who just wasn’t open to someone else coming into my heart.

Most men knew not to try and the ones that did were rebuffed before a blink of an eye. I have male friends that I trust, but I just never saw them as anything other than a friend. A year ago I met someone at a running race and we became Facebook friends. Nothing else. We ran into one another at various races and while I always enjoyed talking to him, words like never, ever, and when hell freezes over relegated him to the same zone as everyone else. Something shifted at the Marine Corp Marathon, but even then, I wasn’t sure what had changed and what I was thinking or feeling. I just kept doing what felt right. At first, I had to talk myself off of the ledge of shutting down and running every day, but there came a day after months of communicating, where I had to take a leap of faith and when I wanted nothing more than taking that leap of faith.

Have I been afraid? Not now, but I was for months. I just had to take a deep breath, shut my eyes, and I had to trust myself to land on solid ground. That risk of leaping also includes the risk of fall or the risk of pain, but without leaping and risking, there is no chance of flying, discovering something beyond where I have been, and there will be no chance of possibility. It hasn’t all been easy because the doubt and fear of losing again are there, but I simply cannot stand on the side that never leaps. Even if I crash and fall, this leap has jump started my life in a way that nothing else has and I feel like I am thriving versus just surviving. My leap does not negate the love I had for Phil and I know that as surely as I breathe, he would be urging me forward into something unexpectedly good and welcome. While leaping requires faith, the smallest seed of faith can grow to the strongest tree. I will plant my mustard seed and leap into something I cannot see, but I feel. One, two, three…cannonball!

Comments

  1. Way To Leap Linda💟Good Job! You are truly a inspiration🎉🎆

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