Miles and Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Tomorrow is part of my journey. Running has always been a solitary pursuit and it has always been a happy place for me. When everything else in my life was wrong somehow, running was the constant. If I could lace up my running shoes and get out the door for even a few minutes, there was hope. The sparks of sunshine and joy reset my batteries.

After Phil was killed, I couldn’t see that there would ever be a day when I could feel happy or normal again. While there are still days I wonder about my life and normalcy, I have found my footing. While the mile loom large and while I know that the pain will surely come at some point, I can see beyond that pain to a bigger picture. If I can stay the course and breathe through one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one mile, one marathon at a time, surely I can find the good in the pain and effort to grit my teeth and push on when everything in me wants to quit.

Running this race with other people honoring the lives given in the ultimate sacrifice will tie me to others fighting to find meaning and their footing again. I run on and on for me, for the memories I carry, and to work through the tears and fears of my heart. It has been a long, cold winter both figuratively and literally that has crept into every crevice of my being, but I see the light in the miles ahead. As Dylan Thomas says, “I have miles and miles to go before I sleep.”

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