2015–The Year of Believing

2015—The Year of Believing

For many years, I have not done a New Year’s resolution mostly because I try to make the changes I need to make in my life when I become aware of needing to be more or to do less. I do, however, choose a word with each New Year. The word is a testimony of what I need to concentrate on in my life. In 2014, my word was hope as I struggled to find a place to fit. In the course of the year, I had many wonderful blessings come my way and I indeed to wake every day to sparks of happiness and the belief that all is going to be well. In the spirit of hope and in the belief that all is well, my word that I embrace for 2015 is “believe”.   Believing is not always easy when faced with fear and the unknown. I tend to cower and avoid things like driving unknown places, going to movies alone, eating out alone, vacationing alone, or even deviating from my routine. The problem with fear is that it is limiting and debilitating. The box becomes stifling at some point. I am there.

Believing means taking calculated risks and trusting in myself and in my capabilities to handle the fear of the unknown or the movement out of the comfort zone. It does not mean rushing into things foolhardily and risky behaviors. When my children were little, we took them to many amusement parks. Because I have always thrived and loved the thrill of roller coasters, I took my children on them from their very youngest days. Were they afraid at times? A little bribery, a little encouragement, and a loud “Oooh, doggie!” as the roller coaster screamed downwards and careened the corners made a difference in what happened next with my children’s fear. I simply made my children face their fears by making it fun, encouraging them, and doing it with them.

It is a little harder, and the fears of adulthood are not always logical or well-founded, but in 2015 I am going to step into some of my fears believing in me. The first thing I am doing is adding an extra two days on to my Disney race schedule this coming week. I am going to attempt to enjoy two days at the Disney parks alone. Would I like to have fun with someone else? You bet, but if that is not possible because my friends are working or are far away, then my choice is to step forward and work on having fun alone. It sounds like a little thing, but other than running, I have never been comfortable going places alone. I want to go to China in 2016 for my 55th birthday. I need to get used to having fun alone. This is preparation.

Believing in myself is hard. I am a hider. My job has helped tremendously. I am out there. In 2014, I finished another master’s degree (and am starting yet another in January) and I got my dream job. I see that what I am doing is affecting small changes in the military system in terms of casualty, family outreach, and resiliency. As I stand at home plate, the choice is to swing at the balls (opportunities) or shrink away and strike out. I may strike out, but I will strike out swinging. It isn’t comfortable for me to go to movies, eat out, or have fun alone. 2015 is my year of facing the Tower of Terror and even if I scrunch my eyes shut, it is my year of screaming “OOOhh, doggie!” until I can giggle with happiness. I simply have to believe.

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