A New Bucket List?

I had a bucket list when Phil was alive and I had completed most of it. I had very few things left, and those dreams are no longer dreams that I want to pursue alone. It has taken me three years, but I am ready to look ahead and to dream again. In that dream and in that looking toward tomorrow, there is hope. In that hope, I there is a quiet confidence and inner peace that I am right where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. While 52 does not look like what I thought 52 would look like, I am proud of the strength and confidence I have. I never even knew I had it and this change was not a change I sought, but this strength came from walking through a loss that knocked me to my knees and took almost every dream I had left.

 

I have changed; my dreams have expanded and changed also. I have no idea when or even if these dreams are a reality, but my bucket list is as follows (in no particular order):

 

 

  1. For all of my children to be men and women of faith and for them to marry someone who is a man or woman of faith. I want all of my children to be loved as much as they love.
  2. To find a chapter two for me or for desire to sharethe journey with someone to go away.
  3. To write another book that weaves the research in with the personal stories of those who have lost too much, the young widows, the war widows, and the widows of those whose spouses came home broken.
  4. To eventually settle in Colorado or by the mountains or water in a house that my grandchildren will want to come to.
  5. To run the Great Wall of China.
  6. To finish 100 marathons—I am on 83.
  7. To camp, backpack, and canoe again.
  8. To travel to the French Provence region again.
  9. To jump out of a perfectly good airplane and live to tell about it.
  10. To know that I have made a difference.
  11. To take a cooking class with someone.
  12. To become a better mother, friend, worker, and Christian.
  13. To laugh again.

Yep….it is that simple. It may or may not happen, but it is a start to look ahead….to hope and to dream again. As I stand at the crossroads, I see the woman that Phil probably always thought I was and I honor that faith he had in me. His last face to face conversation with me was the what if conversation. I know that right here, right now, I have an angel smiling and applauding. I am not quitting living and I have learned just how short life is. I am going to leap into tomorrow trusting that all will be well.

 

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